No Title. Simply Love. by ShaKayla Rouse

Picture a heart- big and red- full of life and joy Babum Babum Babum

a steady, healthy rhythm- a consistent beat- Babum. Babum.

            Can you hear it?

Now imagine that same heart being broken apart maliciously in a frenzy or slowly in agonizing turmoil- it’s up to you

breaking right down the middle, crackling, until it nearly shatters

            the pain- sometime piercing, sometimes aching

Can you feel it?

 

This is my heart.

 

It breaks my heart when we all come together and sing

 in church or at a weekly Christian fellowship meeting.

We sing songs about following God's will and being loving

            Unity, harmony...

And sometimes, honestly, I can’t stand it

 

and it makes me sick.

 

Because even within the body of Christ,

            that’s meant to be a representation of God’s kingdom,

the same racial, socio-economical, and other social constructions that

plague

our

society

has seeped into the church...effectively dividing us fellow Christians, our family.

So much so that people start to question their worth.

 

It’s not supposed to be this way.

 

A college-aged boy was born and raised in the church.

It was there where he learned to love God and to accept Jesus as his savior.

            doing all the Christian things- praying, serving, ministering

His church family couldn’t have been happier, seeing the boy’s love for glorifying God.

“Praise God for this boy,” they thought to themselves,

 

“God’s hand is definitely at work”.

 

His life, by no means, was easy just because of his faith.

He went through hardships that I have never experienced.

However, “God is on my side and my christian family loves me.” he thought- a message of

peace,

love, 

hope...

It was during his adolescent years when that message began to change into a message of

            confusion,

                        isolation,

                                    hurt…

His church family didn’t notice that transformation. Is there someone to blame?

 

Sometimes it is hard to see the truth.

 

I cry, I weep, and my heart is full of sorrow

I get angry, I shout, and I scream out:

“Why

God

why?”,

as I clench my heart in pain,

“Why is your body behaving like this?

Fellow Christians are supposed to be like family,

We are supposed to love one another as we love ourselves

No division in the body; its parts should have equal concern for one another.

 

Yet, all I can clearly see are different forms of hypocrisy”

 

The boy never said anything aloud, seeing how others like him were being treated.

He kept it hidden away for years, trying to hold onto that message from before

of peace, love, and hope, but it was so hard.

He prayed to God pleading that his story would be different, that his family continues to love him.

Finding the courage, he opened up to his family and stated that he is gay.

 

One would expect love or compassion…

 

Instead, he was met with revulsion, condemnation- with no understanding.

His foundation’s - his church family’s- reaction devastated him,

treating him as if he committed the ultimate sin.

Thus, effectively driving him away from the church and to some extent God,

the God who still loves him as a son- but for the boy,

 

Sadly, it is arduous to see.

 

I cry, I weep, and my heart is full of sorrow

I get angry, I shout, and I scream out:

“Why

God

why?”,

as I clench my heart in pain,

“Why is your body behaving like this?

Fellow Christians are supposed to be like family,

We are supposed to love one another as we love ourselves

No division in the body; its parts should have equal concern for one another

 

Yet, I all can clearly see are different forms of hypocrisy”

 

I will never understand the pain he must have felt.

I can’t comprehend how having those who you thought would love you

through thick and thin just abandon you...

especially by those who claim to serve the same God you do.

However, I can cry with him and mourn for his pain.

 

Lamenting is what God called me to do.

 

However, amidst my tears and frustration, I know that God, my father, is near.

He tells me to hold my head up and not to worry

for he is God and I simply need to be still.

I mustn’t stop in my walk of faith; I mustn’t let the hypocrisy faze me.

Instead I am to go out into the world, with his word in my heart,

And show everyone’s God’s love and his glory.

 

I am to walk in the authority that I have through Jesus too.

 

Even though my heart is heavy, I continue to fight and call out to my fellow Christians:

We are supposed to be set apart from this world,

so let’s help out our brothers and sisters instead of solely condemning and judging them.

            For the Bible says:

“For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged,

and with the measure you use it will be measured to you”.

 

I will let God's word, the bible, speak for itself.

 

We cannot remain silent because we don’t understand or can’t relate.

We cannot use the excuse 'I don’t know what to say'.

Suffering and pain is universal.

Let your heart break for others, not just for those who outside the church

but your Christian family too.

Read your bibles as well and learn the truth.

Because only by learning about God's character through the study of the bible will

 

you be able to understand the God I serve.

 

Once we learn to open our mouths and hearts,

we will be the family we are supposed to be-

the body portrayed in the songs we sing.

That's why we were created, to bring glory to God’s kingdom and to serve one another.

 

As difficult as that is, I know that we can do it.

 

To that gay college student, I sincerely apologize.

For no one should be treated the way that you have.

My heart aches for your pain.

You are part of my family in Christ who

deserves

to be

loved.

I want you to know that not every Christian out there are like the ones you may have encountered before.

There are Christians who care.

Do not let the negative experiences you had with Christians prior

dicrate how you see God or all of them.

 

We are only human.

 

I cry, I weep, and my heart is full of sorrow

I get angry, I shout, and I scream out:

“Why

God

why?”,

as I clench my heart in pain,

“Why is your body behaving like this?"

 

Nevertheless…

 

I smile, I laugh, and my heart is full of joy

I calm down, I sigh and I proclaim:

“Thank

you

God”

as I lift my hands to the sky,

“Thank you God, and I praise you in advance.

Fellow Christians, one day, will be like family.

We will love one another as we love ourselves.

No more division in the body; each part will have equal concern.

 

I will no longer see any forms of hypocrisy”.

Posted on September 10, 2015 .