Church: For Those Who Don't Fit the Mold by Katiannah Moise

Many days like these, I get a feeling that I need to pray

I don't do it often because I am busy

With work, homework, my social life.

 

It hurts to say that I can't pray because I am “too busy.”

It’s like I am saying I am “too busy”… for God.

 

And so I go to sleep—I sleep and sleep for hours until the next day…

 

Yet sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray… and I do.

sometimes, right before I sleep

I quickly run through a Hail Mary[i] or the Nicene Creed[ii] on cue.

 

To pacify me and to pacify YOU.

 

I grudgingly go to church… even though I want to go to sleep.

Some days, I barely remember the sermon

And I sleep as we genuflect before Communion.[iii]

 

It's sad that in Church,

The house of God’s People,

I can't stay awake.

 

But I take the Communion because I believe in YOU and you believe in ME

…well, of course I do…

 

To pacify YOU and to pacify me.

 

Yet sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray and Sing

In that mass

I sing loudly, so loudly my heart shakes and I feel alive.

 

I feel awakened, I feel spirited, and I sing.

I sing off-key.

 

 

My heart is aligned with the fact that I can feel GOD hearing me, hearing me.

I can feel it.

And it feels so good because it is different.

 

Different than passing a test I studied for,

Or seeing my favorite dish served at lunch,

Or getting praised by my friends…

 

It is a feeling of hope and realization that when you SING and PRAY

HE hears you.

 

Inside, I start to cry… or maybe I AM crying.

Spilling tears, for once.

For once, my actions are real.

 

I am not trying to pacify YOU or pacify me.

 

I feel, I believe, and I am happy.

 

Sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray… and I do.

It is good.

It is good.

 

[i] A prayer to the Virgin Mary used chiefly by Roman Catholics, beginning with part of Luke 1:28.

[ii] A profession of faith widely used in Christian liturgy.

[iii] The service of Christian worship at which bread and wine are consecrated and shared.

Posted on September 17, 2015 .