Many days like these, I get a feeling that I need to pray
I don't do it often because I am busy
With work, homework, my social life.
It hurts to say that I can't pray because I am “too busy.”
It’s like I am saying I am “too busy”… for God.
And so I go to sleep—I sleep and sleep for hours until the next day…
Yet sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray… and I do.
…sometimes, right before I sleep…
To pacify me and to pacify YOU.
I grudgingly go to church… even though I want to go to sleep.
Some days, I barely remember the sermon
And I sleep as we genuflect before Communion.[iii]
It's sad that in Church,
The house of God’s People,
I can't stay awake.
But I take the Communion because I believe in YOU and you believe in ME
…well, of course I do…
To pacify YOU and to pacify me.
Yet sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray and Sing
In that mass
I sing loudly, so loudly my heart shakes and I feel alive.
I feel awakened, I feel spirited, and I sing.
I sing off-key.
My heart is aligned with the fact that I can feel GOD hearing me, hearing me.
I can feel it.
And it feels so good because it is different.
Different than passing a test I studied for,
Or seeing my favorite dish served at lunch,
Or getting praised by my friends…
It is a feeling of hope and realization that when you SING and PRAY…
HE hears you.
Inside, I start to cry… or maybe I AM crying.
Spilling tears, for once.
For once, my actions are real.
I am not trying to pacify YOU or pacify me.
I feel, I believe, and I am happy.
Sometimes I get a feeling that I need to pray… and I do.
It is good.
It is good.
[i] A prayer to the Virgin Mary used chiefly by Roman Catholics, beginning with part of Luke 1:28.
[ii] A profession of faith widely used in Christian liturgy.
[iii] The service of Christian worship at which bread and wine are consecrated and shared.