The Chasm Stares Back Unblinkingly by John Montesi

TW: Depression and suicide

It does not waver or relent. It is in an eternal staring contest with all who dare to try it. They must know that they will lose. Its pupils fill its eyes, you cannot see them. It is all darkness. Every time you think too hard or consider the Eternal Recurrence of the Same in its cosmological infinitude or its practical application in Suburban America, the chasm smirks. If you overindulge the thought exercises or greedily lap the overly sweet honey, its eyes widen.

War, killing, disappearances, death, dying, too soon, depression, disease, overpopulation, nothing, everything, atoms, monkeys, mud, Mars, methane, mitochondria, everything, nothing. You blinked.

The darkness is full of the unjustifiable, the unexplainable, the explained, the contradictions.

Man’s folly is that he believes in his own justice, that “just” has meaning.

If we are atoms in the void, it doesn’t.

If a God sets the weights and balances, it doesn’t.

The chasm will consume the strongest mind and the strongest man. He will embrace a horse. He will swallow a shotgun. He will make a noose of his own hair. He will use a blade made by his fellow man to open his own wrists. He will gouge out his own eyes. Still, the darkness does not blink.

We must be ok with losing the staring contest, with looking gingerly until our eyes water. Then we must blink and wipe away our tears and never look back.

It is not for us to see or understand, not for us to judge.

We cannot judge since we do not have justice.

With weights and balances, we can stare a little longer and walk away alive.

They are not ours but we use them all the same.

We can see it and hear it and feel it and leave it.

Its machinations do not concern us.

Without scale, we will search evermore for the eyes we cannot see.

The only greater folly than manmade justice is misplaced striving.

If we strive to know Him, we will not look in the chasm.

We will look at it and know that there is nothing to find because there is nothing there.

If we strive to know the chasm, we will fall.

Posted on June 9, 2015 .